Love

Love is a tricky thing. It varies in intensity and in the specificity of emotions. It is sometimes the most beautiful thing in the world and, at other times, it’s the most horrid thing we’ve ever come face-to-face with.

It’s odd how one thing could be the cause of so many contrary feelings. But that’s what makes love so beautiful – it’s the closest thing to perfection that exists in the world, the only thing that can easily and comfortably encompass both good and evil, beautiful and ugly.

It’s the closest thing to a flawless whole that man has ever claimed to have been part of.

When we think of love, we think of the happy kind of love, the kind that is the beginning of something beautiful – something that breathes life.

There is, however, another kind of love, a much darker and sadder kind of love. It’s the love one feels when one loves someone he or she can never be with. 

Contrary to popular belief or popular wishful thinking, love doesn’t always end happily. It doesn’t always result in the joining of two people, the fusing of two lives into one.

Sometimes, on rare occasions, it results in the wedging apart of the two who love each other the most. You can love someone with all your soul and never get a chance to be with that person. Even worse, you can know that you love him or her, understanding there is no possibility that the two of you will ever be together.

Some people cannot and will not ever end up together, even if they do love each other. It’s a sad truth, but a truth, nonetheless.

The fact is, love is not enough. All those fairytales, all those stories and movies you’ve heard and watched growing up, lied to you. Love is never enough because love is not rational.

You hear that love is irrational all the time, yet you still hear the same people saying that love is enough to keep two people together.

Unfortunately, we live in a world governed by rationality, and while love may be irrational, and we may manage to make it work for some time, the real world always catches up with us and our irrational illusions dissipate into thin air.

Then we are left with reality and reality doesn’t always reason the way lovers do.

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Hope…

Be as a bird perched on a frail branch, that she feels bending beneath her, still she sings away all the same, knowing she has wings. -Victor Hugo.

This quote has inspired me throughout my life as long as I can remember. Growing up, as a young girl, I was given responsibility that wasn’t meant to bare the weight of my shoulders at 6 years young. Throughout my childhood, I would soon learn that I was different. God chose me… for what purpose beyond my understanding… I am not at liberty to question but to continue to trust that his will and plan for my life is greater than my own apprehension.

I often wonder. I daydream. I try and over analyze every aspect of certain days and or situations. Like a movie, I rewind, hit pause, fastforward, and again push play over and over again. In my own way, reliving the past is a personal justification and self healing mechanism I have used to balance my hectic life and find some sort of peace and happiness.

I open my heart to an old memory, close my eyes, breathe in deeply, and transport myself back in time. Meditation is a must have in my world. My subconsciousness takes a tole on my physical appearance at times either leaving a smile, bringing laughter, shedding uncontrollable tears, or at worst tearing open wounds that have taken years to heal, bringing fury to my soul. Whatever it may be, I chose it. Looking at my world in a self healing perspective has been such a journey in itself.